Helping Another Person

Life is all about how we juggle the balls of problems.  It is during these times of problems, we become weak and helpless. Recently, I met with a young lady who is suffering through these tough times, and it's hard to think whether I should intervene with her life or not.

It all started on a Chicago trip. She was my concertmaster of our organization, and I was the last chair   Instrumentalist of a completely different section. Throughout our entire season, I neglected to communicate with her. How can the lowest man in the entire organization approach the number one person?   Maybe it was the combination of her serious demeanor with the addition of the prestigious title. Maybe it was the amazing skills and talent she had for instrument, I don't know. However on the tour I got to know this young lady.  As a large collection of students many of us coagulated together, forming individual groups. In this preparation for a Chicago tour, I got to meet this young lady, and for a majority of this trip, got to hang out and get to know her.

I began to see her as a confident, relaxing, impressive girl. She was good at everything she did, and helped others who needed it. It was on our return flight when I really got to know her.  Behind the cool, loving facade existed this world of fear, hopelessness, insecurity.  On the plane ride we talked about goals, college, living life, being happy; and through this, I made her cry.  I unintentionally brought back her feelings of helplessness, her insecurities and unhappiness with where she is.  Physically, you could see the pain in which she endured by expressing them externally to ease the internal pain.  By seeing her, and truly gaining insight into her life, you begin to realize how easy and vulnerable people can be in our bad times.  

It was at that moment when I realized that she needed help. Not the help of an adult, but rather someone the same age as they were.  Someone who can say that they have experienced a time in their life where they felt weak and helpless, someone there to help guide them in their time need.  To help someone, isn't just changing them on who they are right now, rather whatever is said now, shapes another's future.  I feel so happy that I got to meet her in her time of need. Although her problems are still existing, I feel like I am helping her alleviate and progress a step towards complete remediation simply by being there for her.  What started out originally to meet and talk a unfamiliar, cute girl, transformed into a relationship where we comfort each other when we need it.

I look back today. What I have done has just been for only a few weeks, and I feel like some much has been done.  I sometimes wonder why did I even decide to help her. Then I realize that life is truly about helping people.  Life isn't about just living and trying to gain goods for yourself only, but life is about helping that extra person.  When I talk to her, I find happiness and ease knowing that she is spending time talking to me, not thinking about her troubles nor engaging in unhealthy activities. If I were back in my position and had to choose between helping her, and not: I will definitely choose the former because to see ones growth is simply inspiring and amazing. 

Being Positive

I went on a retreat with the Clark County Youth Commission this weekend (3/21-3/23).  What this retreat was about, was on our policy assignment to the Board of County Commissioners on the policy of Community Well-Being.  What does this topic mean? Well, this topic roots from the idea of happiness, and what makes a community really happy.  Last year, we tackled the topic of Youth Violence Prevention, and this year we decided to take on the flip side of the negative, and are focusing on the positives.

Anyways, through this retreat we really got down and researched methods of reducing negative thoughts.  Thinks like mindfulness, putting yourself in other people's shoes, meditation, and other various methods like keeping a positive journal.  Lately, I have realized that my blogs have been very negative.  From the combination of multiple stressors in my life, it has been hard for me to keep positive.  So, within our research for our Policy assignment, one aspect that we found was that writing a positive journal about things you are grateful for can reduce negative thoughts, increase exercise and countless other good symptoms. 

As a result, I plan on updating my blog with a "Positive Journal" post once a week.  This would potentially just include 3 things that I am grateful for, for the past week... who knows, maybe I will write a lot on them; maybe not.
 

1. My Friends: Although it may seem obvious, this week was good because of my friends in many aspects.  My friends were there for me when I needed it; things like when I asked a girl to prom, helping me with math when I needed it and keeping me company in the wee-hours of the night. My friends have been so important this week, supporting me when I need help and giving me inspiration to
2. The Youth Commission: Sometimes I am completely in love with the Youth Commission, sometimes I feel that it overwhelms me.  This week, being my last retreat with the Youth Commission, I am definitely in love. From the research presentation, to my late night pillow fights, to the impromptu musicals to fight for the mustache kingdom; my weekend has truly been amazing because of the Youth Commission and all the volunteers and people in it.  This also gives me hope that there will be a better tomorrow, because of the passion, and interests each student has. 
3. The Colleges I have been accepted to: When one applies to a college, one can be accepted or rejected.  Although the last week has been full of rejection, I think about the positives.  I still have colleges I have been accepted to, like the University of Washington and Boston College.  Although it is hard to accept these letters of rejection, and it is hard to think positively, I am most definitely thankful for the schools I have been accepted to.

America, a Meritocracy

I hear the word meritocracy and scoff.  We were all taught in school that America is a school of meritocracy, we rise and fall based off our merits.  Is that true? Is America really based of people's achievements and skills?  I look at what has happened to me within the past week, and I begin to think that it isn't.  Meritocracy is dead.

We rise and fall based on our own skills and achievements.  I was at school today and recieved a letter. It read

"Dear Max,

Thank you for auditioning. We were impressed and had our largest turnout ever.  It was obvious that you all spent a lot of time preparing... Unfortunately, you were not selected as a speaker for senior events.  Thank you.

Signed __X___

Senior Class Adviser" 

I look at my letter and think.  I thought about it hard.  Throughout my elementary and middle school years, I was a reknown speaker.  People were moved by my words, and they believed in what it meant.  People were jumping at me to speak at graduation, knowing I will do well.  I wrote a speech about individuality: the importance and how each one of us is important.  I would say it was one of the best speeches I've written.  After presenting it, I thought I did really well on my part.  Of the other competitors, I only thought one did really well.  Listening to the other speeches, I realized that what other people lacked was a solid message.  Some wrote about getting used to high school, and somehow talked about her jamming her finger into a locker.  Another wrote about how we don't know what will happen in the future, but she knows we'll do well.  Another wrote about people, and how it was members within the class(es) that kept her going.  My favorite speech was given by my good friend; it was about remembering.  Remembering things, and never letting go of the experiences.  I honestly believe my friend deserves that spot for speaking, but I honestly do not know about the other people.  Yeah, they have the courage to go up there to speak, but their content lacked.  It is through this where I feel meritocracy is dead.  Giving a speech isn't always about being funny and cracking jokes.... especially a senior speech.  I wanted to be able to give people the opportunity to understand their importance in this world  I wanted people to know that even though they may feel worthless, that there is someone out there that depends on what they do and how they do it.  That is all I wanted to do, but our own class council must've not seen through the importance of it.  Maybe it was the fault of my speech.  Maybe it was a terrible speech; or maybe it was even how I presented it that stunk.  But, I feel that, this isn't the case.  I feel that people are clouded by judgement of contacts.  The members of the council were friends, best friends, girlfriend/boyfriends of the possible candidates. And because of this, I feel that this was not really based on the merit of the speech, but rather the knowledge of the person.

Meritocracy.  Although there has been many negative aspects that have come out of this experience, I must remember "as one door closes, another opens".  I did play in a orchestral group that is performing for graduation.  Maybe it is because one of the members is the sister of a council member; maybe it is because we actually did well, I will not know.  But, I do know now that knowing people is one of the most important things to have.  Knowing people can change an entire judgement basis of a decision.  

Time

Time passes by so fast, yet it can pass by so slow.  We stare at the clock hour by hour in agitation when we are engaged in boring activities, yet we dismiss the whole concept of time when we are having fun.  It is sometimes sad to think about the time we have on this earth, how long ago it was when we were still kids.

Sometimes its exciting to live in the moment, and not know what is just around the corner. But, whatever we do, whatever we say, whatever we experience is just another thing.  We will remember it, if we like it or not; cherish it why don't you, and enjoy it for your life.  Because there is no other time in your life when you can relive those days.

I asked a girl to prom today, she said yes.  I stalked a friend in Mongolia today, it brought nostalgia.  Time waits for no one, even the richest man cannot buy a second back, once written in a Chinese proverb.  We sometimes wish we can live more than 100 years, but is 100 years enough?  We live day by day within those 365 days in one of those years.  A quarter of those years are haunted by memories, good or bad.  Experiences we would do again, not do again.  A majority of our life is filled with conformity: conforming with society.  Having a stable job, doing what you're told to climb the corporate ladder.  Having a family, kids, and waiting for them to grow.  The last quarter of your life is splattered with recalling memories, plans and aspirations, experiences that your old bones cannot handle.

I guess life is great in that way.  One day when everything and one will be gone, except for you.  An obsolete person and you'll think back into the days when you did have energy to do outrageous things, you did have energy to conform and progress upon the ladders of life.  However the mistakes you made, the rewards you received: those memories will follow you forever.

Last Asian Birthday Party

Today was my last Asian Birthday Party.  No, it is not the last birthday party I'll ever have, nor will it be the last birthday party with Asians.  This party marks the end of the birthdays with my parents inviting all of their friends over, with their young kids.  Although it is just a "birthday" the past 18 years have been filled with these, and this last one is... emotional.

I think back to some of the birthday parties we've had.  They always seemed to be very simplistic.  Everyone would crowd around one small computer as I played the game.  We would also have played with the copious amounts of toys I owned, then somehow eat cake, open presents then perform a piano piece to everyone.  The kids that went always seemed to be my age.  Some younger, some older; we would all get along and played together well.  The party always easily lasted till the wee hours of the night (meaning 11ish), and they were always filled with memories and fun.  I look at the last party today: true there were a lot of adults; however this party was different.  All of these "kids" have grown up, we no longer played with toys, we no longer gathered around one small computer.  We used to hid under a long-sold ping-pong table and lay the confessions of our crush; replaced by the socialization of education, sports and video games.  We all bind together by playing Super Smash Bros. Brawl.  The friends I once looked up to are all gone, all dispersed into their personal college, studying their thing.  You get a nostalgic feeling when you think back to those days.  Just like I do, and you know that this will never happen again once you, too, leave for college.

As I went around, talking to the adults, I realize that I am no longer a kid.  The people are talk to are no longer the young adults I've always played with; they are becoming old, yet each one has their piece to share.  I think keenly to my grandmother and my grandfather.  Just 6 years ago, they lived with us, I would see them everyday and to be honest, I sometimes got sick of them.  But, in a blink of an eye, they moved out into a senior home.  Last year, they seemed to still be their healthy, cheery self.  But this year, you can finally see the toll age has on the body.  My grandfather had a severe stroke when he was doing a surgery for his cholostrel.  He is a completely different person.  The once sociable, keen minded, happy grandpa changed into a quiet, slow reacting grandfather.  His confidence, once grand, is now just a whisp of what he had before.  My grandmother, a very strong woman, has become frail; apart from taking out her real teeth and getting dentures, she has lost tons of weight do to her inability to eat; making her look very sickly.  As they leave back home to my aunt's house, they give me a card.  As it is in Chinese, I ask my mother to read it.  It said something like this:

To our dearest grandson Max:

We wish you a happy birthday.  18 is a year full of excitement and joy. You will have lots of fun, and we hope that you will have lots of fun, with going to college.  It is said that 18 is a time where you grow the most, and you are the strongest and best at what you do, so take the chances to do what you need.  We wish you the best with whatever you do.  

Your grandparents who love you so much

Grandma, Grandpa.

As I read this note, I realize how much my grandparents loved me.  The direct translation would be "we love you so much, that we would go through pain to express how much we love you".  It makes me realize how much they have gone through to raise me.  What they have done to raise me.   And, I feel sad with the amount of time we really have together.  Because once I go to college, I will not be able to communicate with them very easily. 

This is all symbolic to my last Asian Birthday Party.  It is a time where I remember all the happiness I've had before, yet it is another symbol for moving on.  I will miss everyone so dearly once I leave, but I know that they will always be in my heart and remember me.   I hope to my friends in college, that one day we will be able to meet at another Asian Birthday Party, where we can experience all the things we have experienced once before. I sometimes wish that I could relive the past, but I realize that the best experiences are those that are buried within our memories.

Home Again

Its been forever since I've really updated my blog... Happy Belated New Year? I hope everyone enjoyed their new year, even though its been like 5 days after the New Year.  Well, I pretty much got back home four days ago from Taiwan.  Within the last days of my trip in Taiwan consisted of recovering from my sickness (I ended up going to the doctor, realizing it was some stomach infection and not eating for 3 more days), going to HuaLian where I saw the most amazing waterfalls.  There were places where we traveled through a half mile tunnel where it was pitch black.  I also got to see a monkey super up close, and take many pictures of it.  Later we came back home, and went traveling everywhere to go see the markets, visit Taipei 101, going on a mountain side overlooking then city and even got to see the fireworks go off at Taipei 101 on New Years day!  After new years included traveling around the Taipei area and eating various cuisines, I even got the chance to eat at Ding Tai Fung, a world famous Asian restaurant and in the original restaurant no less. After that, I got the opportunity to eat some Mango Ice, which was one of the best desserts I have ever had.